Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Should I Just Give Up?.............

I came home this evening around 7 pm and pretending tired, took a shelter in my room. Without even trying to change my clothes or do anything else...I just sat down on the floor and started questioning myself. Isnt it the time to just give up? Why am i putting so much emotions and energy in a work that i dont see the results? ....
Yes, these thoughts have been disturbing me for quiet a while, they are in somehow reasons behind my sleepless nights over the past years. I am constantly questioning myself why am i doing this? What? Ofcourse, the work with the women of Afghanistan for the women of the country. I have been working for the past 12 years, but recently my frustration has reached to its peaks. I usually find women gatherings that i am the most active member of, useless and with no future vision or even short term outcomes. There is usually strong disconnects among the women activists and that prevent them from working together. They start giving speeches in the middle of the meeting to the people that dont need to be convinced that women's rights matter because they are already pursuing the goal. There is huge lack of coordination, everyone is doing the same thing differently or secretly. Donors are not aware or dont bother as well. Every process initiative has become a project to be funded and completed with no obvious results. We are all stuck with capacity building terms that is not even started in 8 years now. ....to be continued.........

1 comment:

  1. Wazhma Jan,

    I remember once working on a project to prevent child-prostitution in South-east Asia, in particular Thailand and Indonesia. I was very young then, a teenager and had to sit and counsel former child prostitutes some as young as 12. I met one 16 years of age and she narrated her story to me. What went through inside me I can never really explain but I kept asking God why is this happening towards young children, why has this not been tackled, why are we allowing days to go by on end .....and if God were truly merciful, why this? Later I watched some interviews they did with men who flock to Thailand, Cambodia, and Indonesia to find child prostitutes and I thought to myself what can we speak rationally to alter these haibts. It feels like a lost cause. We were confronting an epidemic that is too much of a female-problem for male leaders to care about at the institutional level.And on the daily front, girls are being abused in very sadistic manners for not complying to be prostitutes, for not pleasing their clients.....and when I hear these men speak about their dirty habits I think to myself, what good is left in this world, what good is left in them....why should this be a fight for these girls, for us activists.

    But you must admit defeat, write it out and then climb back up again. Becaue your life is for others, in service of others, acknowledge your weaknesses but know that in them, you have created your strenghs too. There is enough love in the world to go around even with all the hate and hostility, so long as we keep channeling the love and ensuring you let others shine and benefit through what you give to them.

    Love lots,
    Natasha Latiff