Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Should I Just Give Up?.............

I came home this evening around 7 pm and pretending tired, took a shelter in my room. Without even trying to change my clothes or do anything else...I just sat down on the floor and started questioning myself. Isnt it the time to just give up? Why am i putting so much emotions and energy in a work that i dont see the results? ....
Yes, these thoughts have been disturbing me for quiet a while, they are in somehow reasons behind my sleepless nights over the past years. I am constantly questioning myself why am i doing this? What? Ofcourse, the work with the women of Afghanistan for the women of the country. I have been working for the past 12 years, but recently my frustration has reached to its peaks. I usually find women gatherings that i am the most active member of, useless and with no future vision or even short term outcomes. There is usually strong disconnects among the women activists and that prevent them from working together. They start giving speeches in the middle of the meeting to the people that dont need to be convinced that women's rights matter because they are already pursuing the goal. There is huge lack of coordination, everyone is doing the same thing differently or secretly. Donors are not aware or dont bother as well. Every process initiative has become a project to be funded and completed with no obvious results. We are all stuck with capacity building terms that is not even started in 8 years now. ....to be continued.........